Thanks, but no thanks

After the dinner I had with Josh the other night, I thought things were going pretty good. Then late yesterday, I get this jumbled mess of thoughts from him:

To: TODP
From: Josh
Subject: Hi..

Thanks for having me over last night.. Your kids are precious.. It reminded me of what it was like when my kids were small,..not that long ago.  I found myself wondering, as I was driving to my appointment after leaving your house what a huge responsibility it is having kids.

I think we need to communicate about what we’re looking for in a relationship at this time.  I know as I continue to see you and the kids that I will grow attached….and I admit to having some some reservations about doing that..

This is my first exploration into a relationship after four years of basically being alone except,of course, when spending time with my own kids. Prior to that there was a 10 year period of marriage, one that ended very badly..I still think that I am a bit damaged as a result of what happened. Consequently I am feeling somewhat fearful about developing attachments right now in my life.  And I know that being with you means developing an attachment not only for another person but for three people..I’m already feeling attached to your daughter..she is the sweetest little girl..and quite frankly I don’t know if I can handle all that right now.

And of course I enjoy hanging out and talking with you..and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have strong sexual and ‘romantic’ impulses going through my mind when I think about you or when I’m with you.  There are time when I wish I could find a women who was what they call on the internet dating sites ‘a friend with benefits’..and not a potentially heavy committed relationship.. That might be all I can take on right now..I’m not sure..

But on the other hand, I don’t want to cheapen or shortchange any possibilities for having a serious committed love relationship in my life again..and I know that one thing usually leads to another..I know I sound confused because I’m starting to feel that way.

Is it ever possible in male female dating relationship to just to be open-minded, friendly, non-judgmental, non-possessive, non pressuring, unpresumptuous…every relationship I’ve ever had seemed to be exactly those things..Now I’m not saying that we are..I’m not even sure where this is going.. but I think it would be a good idea early on to define what were both looking for.. whats ironic about me saying this is that I’m afraid I might hurt your feelings or upset you if I come right out and say what I’m looking for..is that strange or what?..I’m just not sure after seeing whats involved in you life and where you are in life right now if I can give you what you need..of course, I’m being presumptuous by saying that..so that’s why I think we need to define these things before continuing on so we know what to expect or what not to expect…Oh God..I don’t know if this is making
any sense at all so I’m just going to send it off to you and hope that you can try to understand…

I am very much out of ‘practice’ in my adult interpersonal interaction skills or dating skills..whatever you might call it..and I’m just trying to get my feet underneath me again.  I do know this Maddie.. I really like you..I like communicating with you, I think your really pretty, I fantasize about you,,(not in a stalker way so relax ok:) and I have a nice time when I’m with you.. I just want to be honest with you..so even though I might not have done a good job articulating my thought I am going to hit send before I have second thought about trying to edit myself..email me back ok?..

Josh

OK, we’ve seen each other exactly twice. I really don’t know where this is coming from. But my guess is that he wants to see me very casually, have sex, and well, whatever else. Which would have been fine if that is what he did without presenting it verbally as if it pained him terribly to actually DATE someone. But in all honesty, I have fuck friends. I’m not interested in another one. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this in the past few months: “I really like you but I’m not ready for a relationship.” At least Josh was kind enough to stay out of my pants before saying it.

To: Josh
From: TODP
Subject: You’re off the hook, LOL

Josh,

After giving this a little more thought…

I think I kind of get what you’re saying — “I can’t deal with someone else’s kids right now but I’ll fuck you if you want” — and I think maybe we are looking to get different things out of this. I really hadn’t given it much thought until now, but it seems likely that we’d be inviting broken hearts if we continued with this.

I think you are a great person and fun to talk to, but it doesn’t sound like you are open to the possibilities. I appreciate that you don’t want to take advantage of me or introduce more chaos to my life. I have a lot to offer and I would really like to eventually find someone who fully appreciates the package deal. Preferably someone without stalking tendencies, LOL.

I wish the best for you.

Secretly, I hope he emails me back and says I misunderstood and that he really wants to give it a go, but I am relatively certain that won’t happen. Besides, it would do nothing but boost my ego. I had enough reservations about this guy anyway, and this email of his really took it over my limit.

What willpower??

I let Marc come over again last night and fuck me. It was … it was some of the best sex I’ve had in a long time.

I’m not emotionally attached to him at all. He’s good to talk to, and we spend a good deal of time with our clothes on too. I do like him. I do know I would never get seriously involved with him. So my thought process is all over the road here.

I’ve always been the kind of person who has to be madly in love to really get the most out of sex, but now that I’m entering my prime sexual years, it seems like I can’t get enough, and I’m experiencing things on a different level. Things I didn’t enjoy before feel great now, and it feels at times like I’ve all of a sudden been placed in this new body and I’m learning about it for the first time. I sat at work today thinking about last night and I am just amazed at this rush of lust I’ve been feeling, as misdirected as it may be.

I remember the first time I heard the expression “fuck friend.” I was aghast. Do people actually DO that? And now, well, I guess that is what I’m doing.

Is it so wrong? I’m struggling with that. It would probably help if Marc didn’t have a girlfriend he hardly sees, but not because of any jealousy on my part. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt because of some stupid primal urge I have, one that I’ve made little effort to control. One that Marc has apparently controlled very little over the course of his lifetime.

If it wasn’t me, he’d probably be fucking someone else. And I don’t know why I’m OK with that.

Dinner was…

NICE!

As I was chopping carrots and potatoes last night, I kept telling myself, it would be OK if I canceled with Josh. This pot roast was going to get cooked one way or another.

And all day today… I was all in my own face. If you weren’t that keen on him, move on! No, you should give him the benefit of the doubt!

I’m glad I did.

Dinner was actually very relaxed, very casual. After I got the kids on to their bedtime routine, we sat and talked. And talked. He can tell a good story, very animated, very all over the road yet focused on what he was trying to say. And he didn’t bring up an ex at all this time. Well, once. I joked with him that we covered all the ex stuff already, and he seemed to get that I didn’t want to hear about that anymore.

He is a very gentle person, very perceptive. And I forgot almost completely that he is 19 years older than me, except when he mentioned things like aches and pains and that he would never go skiing again at his age and hadn’t been for 15 years. Thank goodness for that. I have never had a desire to ski.

I’m really glad I went through with it. I think I got back a little of that self-esteem I had been losing sight of… and I even started to imagine Josh naked! Gasp!!!!

He was very polite and left before 10. Gave me a peck or two, nothing to indicate that he was sexually driven, and while I can appreciate that in a guy… well… I had hoped there was a little bit more desire there.

But then he asked to see me again Sunday.

Unfortunately I already have plans. But I look forward to seeing him again.

Second date

Josh is coming for dinner Wednesday. I talked him into my pot roast instead of the take-out Chinese he suggested. I can’t say I’m enthusiastic about it.

But he is. I don’t know why. So I’m interested in seeing why.

I think I’m still hung up on my recent ex. Not to the point that Josh is, talking incessantly about it to anyone who will listen. And it’s been four years for him.

Last time I was hung up on an ex, it was very ugly, and I started seeing a therapist, who told me to GET OUT THERE AND MEET PEOPLE.

I’m pretty sure she meant men, because after I picked her out of the phone book I discovered she was actually a sex therapist, and asked me direct questions like, “How do you feel about blow jobs?” Not fellatio, not oral sex…

But last time dating actually worked. I quickly forgot about that ex. And I mean quickly. And then I met Tom.

I think the difference this time is Tom, the guy I recently split with, is a really nice guy, and he is still a really nice guy, and I measure new dates to him. The other guy? Total fucking asshole. It took a sex therapist to see that and steer me on my way.

Soooooo… this afternoon I had an appointment with a different therapist. One I have been seeing since I decided the sex therapist wasn’t exactly what I was needing right now, seeing as I didn’t have much of a sex life.

I won’t rehash the whole episode, except to say, I miss everything about Tom, from the way he talked to my children, to the way he gestured during TV shows, to the way he fucked me, to the way he parallel parked his minivan, to the way his deoderant smelled. I didn’t date him very long, a handful of months, but I think I am still very much in love with him, and this whole experiment is making that ever more apparent.

So is it fair to keep going with dating? Do I need more time to regroup?

My good friend jokes that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.

I guess if I handle it in a lighter manner, I’ll be better at it.

You have the wrong IM, please hang up and try again

Remember Bill? The guy who spent a week in fast-forward, sending three or four emails to my one? “Should we talk? Should we chat? Huh? Should we? Should we?”

I thought he had ADD or worse… was on speed. We had gone to lunch about three weeks ago and he seemed nervous, but not nervous in a shifty way, just nervous like he was on a first date. And he kissed me outside the restaurant, a little sheepishly, and then texted me all afternoon. Then everything went dead. A week later, I emailed him, asking if I was supposed to be the one to email first. If I was here it is. Still nothing.

Today I logged on to my Yahoo IM, which I don’t normally use but I go on from time to time to see if anyone has left me a message, and he sent me a message shortly after.

Bill: Hi!!!!
TODP: Hey how are you?
Bill: I’ve been good. You?
TODP: Things are good here.

I thought this was just a friendly hello, but after a few more rounds of small talk:

Bill: So, where do I know you from? Refresh my memory.

Hmmm. I don’t remember ever firing up my buddy list and talking randomly to people whose screen names I’ve forgotten. FROM THREE WEEKS AGO.

The game kicked ass! The date, not so much

After the speed-dating version of email, I established that the guy I picked to go to the game was pretty harmless.

To: Lewis
From: TODP
Subject: hockey game

Wow, who knew this would actually work!

You didn’t mention your height… I’m almost 5′9; I feel a little
self-conscious towering over a guy. It’s my one little vanity thing.

I’m 34, have two young ones. I don’t actually live in [Xxxxxxx], but
that’s where I would be dropping off my daughter, and it’s closer to the
arena than where I am now anyway.

I’ve never understood the wisdom behind raking leaves. Just leave them
be!!!

Attached is a pic. I assume you’ll be able to produce a recent
background check, two proofs of residency, a social security card, birth
certificate and PADI certification upon request.

Let me know if you’re still interested.

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Lewis
Subject: Re: hockey game

Hi Maddie,

Yes, I’m still interested. I did forget to mention my height. Sorry.
My driver’s license says I’m 5′10, but I think that may be a fib. I
don’t know how that happened! I’m just about 5′9. My fall/winter
wardrobe usually involves some sort of boot. I’ll wear the ones that give
me a little extra elevation.

Tell me where to pick you up and what time.

I’ll bring my FBI file.

Lewis

We talked a lot to and at the game, constantly almost, though neither of us seemed really keen on romance. But Lewis was a nice guy, a little skinny for me and quite possibly a hair shorter than me, dammit. If it wasn’t for the game itself, it would have been a very bland evening.

Scored a date

I was sitting here this afternoon wondering just who I was going to ask to the game. Dad? Brother? Ex?

So what the hell, I said to myself. I’m going to get me a real date. So I turned to one of my favorite online classifieds and posted:

I have tix to tonight’s game. Looking for someone interested in more than hockey. Here’s MY goal for you:

1. You should be over 5′9, please don’t flub even a half inch, LOL.

2. Like, have, or generally enjoy children; even though they won’t be at the game, we’ll think of them at times. And might mention them to each other.

3. Don’t mind paying an arm and a leg for a beer. You must like to enjoy the game this way and surrender an arm or a leg to me. To keep me warm. So I can enjoy  my beer.

4. Know your way to the arena, come pick me up in reliable vehicle.

5. Must be of a healthy weight. Overweight is fine by a few pounds. Hard bodies need not apply, unless you can cover up that shit during my office party. Gals get jealous.

6. Must be 30-45 and dig sports some. If you are outside this age range by a few years, you can apply for an exemption. If you hate hockey, forget it. Really. I barely understand it and would rather attend with someone who will answer the few questions I have between nacho runs.

7. Be honest. I need a date. You want to go to a game. Let’s not waste each other’s time. Respond to this ad and tell me why you should take me to the game.

I was amazed by the quick responses. I chose the last one.

im 6′ 195,37,italian with a great smile who loves hockey. live in the area. of course i’d pay for the evening,but if only we have some fun later

i have pics also. can you describe yourself? i couldnt be out in public with someone who isnt attractive lol

—————————————

How do you feel about bigger guys?

I am 36 y.o.(separated)MWM some say that I am built like a linebacker (about 6′2″ 325 lbs.) i have very short brown hair(with more gray than I would like) in fact I shave my head once or twice a week, not because I am going bald, in fact I have a full head of hair, I just like the “low maintenance” of having short hair. Oh, and I have a goa-tee.

If this interests you please let me know so we can chat and I can send you a pic.

—————————————

OKAY SO I WAS READING YOUR POST AND IT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I EVER SAW.  OK WELL I DONT THINK IM GONG TO MAKE THE CUT BUT I  HAVE TO TRY
I LOVE HOCKEY AND BEEN TO ALOT OF GAMES. I AM 26 5′8 ,I OWN A HOUSE NORTH OF THE CITY .. WELL LET ME KNOW IF I HAVE A CHANCE I DO HAVE A PIC THAT I CAN SEND

—————————————

im all the above but im 27, but im very mature for my age………..still intertested….i’ll be raking leaves so gimma a call if you are….XXX-XXX-XXXX………

—————————————

Hi, Great Post!!!! Here is my best shot to accompany you to the hockey game. MY name is Steve and you can call me directly at XXX-XXX-XXXX, if I am the lucky chosen one.

I am exactly 5′ 9″

Have 4 kids…Also have season tics. Gave them to a guy at work for tonight. He is taking his daughter…Would love to go to the game with you… Next time, my treat?

I am not cheap..Enjoy the game with a few beers..Not a problem. Would definately enjoy sharing myself with you, Love touching and cuddling.

Go to the arena all the time. Have Navigation in my car. Drive a Lexus. Will take me right to your front door.

I weigh about 195. My ideal weight is around 180

Asking for an exemption here, I am 48, but alot of fun , a great guy, and will treat you right.

I LOVE HOCKEY!!! and would love to find a lady to go to games with that also enjoys life and some of the same things that I do. PLEASE SELECT ME……….

Thanx

—————————————

Hello,

My names David, and I love hockey.  I havent been able to get to a game in quite a few years, and Ive been thinking of trying to get to one sometime soon.   i am 25, so i guess im applying for an exemption on that one, and i dont drive.  But i guess if your hard up for someone to go with, let me know

—————————————

sounds like a fun night, tell me what you look like or send me a pic and i will send one in return.

—————————————

HI, I’M MIKE. I AM 33, WHITE MALE. HERE IS SOME
REASONS YOU SHOULD PICK ME.
1. I LOVE HOCKEY.
2. I AM A TRUE GENTLEMAN AND I’LL SUPPLY THE BEER ALL
NIGHT.
3. I KNOW MY WAY AROUND VERY WELL.
I WAS GOING TO TRY AND GET TICKETS TONIGHT, BUT MAYBE
NOW I CAN ENJOY YOUR COMPANY TONIGHT.
SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

—————————————

I saw your ad for tonight and was drawn to the
honesty, sarcasm, and humor.

1.  5 foot 9.5 inches.

2.  I enjoy children.  Maybe because they are at my
maturity level.  I have no children.  Three nephews,
one niece, one step-nephew, two step-nieces, and lots
of friend’s children who scream “UNCLE G” when I am in
the house.

3.  That is the deal.  But loading up on cheap ones
before hand and sneaking a few in under the winter
coats in part of the right plan.

4. I think I can pull it off.
I made it through college in 6.5 years so how hard
could this be for me….?
My 2004 Ford Ranger should make it.

5. Around 180 pounds.  Light brown hair, blue eyes,
and an easy smile.

6. 39 and I like sports and love conversation and
teaching.

7. Because I would almost rather you did not have
tickets because I love to scalp!  I love to haggle.
You meet such interesting people.  And you would get
to play the angry woman who does not want to go to the
game and is upset that this is how I am forcing you to
spend your birthday night and blowing the last of our
money on a stupid hockey game.  Also I am all about
having fun.  If you can not have fun doing it why
bother?  It has always been more about having fun than
the “where” for me.  I can not guarantee much more
than that you will laugh.

My name is Greg.

PS – I attached an image of me and three transvestite
friends at a game.
Just kiddin’.
I am the non-transvestite on the left.

—————————————

must be a fatass….. yawns…..

—————————————

Hi I am 26 years old, I work in the Information Technology field. I am
interested in meeting new people. I can always make someone smile and
laugh. I am 5′ 11′ and have a few extra pounds. I am really in to
sports no matter what it is. I
enjoying hitting the links every so often and have recently achieved
breaking 100. I can have fun staying in and watching a movie or going
out on the town or local dive bar. I am also continuing my
education by getting certifications in my field. I enjoy going to
concerts of any kind but mostly rock(old or new).
Anything else you want to know just send me a message.
I look forward to hearing from you.

PS. Also a big hockey fan in several fantasy hockey leagues and play dek
hockey.

—————————————

Hey, I just read your post and wanted to see if you were still looking for a great date.  Well if you still are, I would be a great choice, I am good looking and a gentleman..  I love hockey and more importanly I am looking to meet a cool gal..

Lets talk if you are interested…

David

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Well were to start? My name is Fred, I am 35 years old I am 6’3” and built like a football player. I work for the state as a CO. I was born in TX and grew up in England and was raised as a gentleman, and yes I open doors and help ladies with their coats. I have always had difficulty with asking women for dates, because I was once a MP in the Army and now I am a Corrections Officer I can be just a little intimidating, and I can never tell if the lady I am asking is saying yes because they are scared of me or they really want to go out. I am not in to sport but will watch a game if the lady I am with wants to, growing up in England I never got in to US sports.

I have been told from my family and friends that I am a hope less romantic and that I have a big hart. I have a lot of love to give to the right women, but I have a hard time talking to women. I am looking for a lady that can love, a lady who dose not think romance means expensive gifts, a lady that love kids and would like to have some one day. My idea of the perfect night is to snuggle up on the sofa under a blanket with a good wine and a good movie. I like the outdoors, like camping, hiking, long drives just to get lost. I love holding hands as we are walking down the street, kissing on a park bench….

I am sorry but I have to tell the truth I am not looking for someone that is extremely over weight and not to skinny, I also have a little meat on my bones too. I would like to find a lady that would like to start a family, and if she has kids already then no more then 1. Well after this you’re probably asleep.

Love Fred

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OK This ad peaked my interest.  Let me go through your list here and lets see if I fit the bill.  I am somewhere around 5′11 about 6ft in my boots.  I have 2 kids an I love kids.  I do mind paying and arm and a leg for watered down beer but I do it because I love hockey.  I know my way around town better than most people.  I use to be a field service tech and went company to company fixing networks and computers.  I’m also of healthy weight, I’m 170 lbs and in pretty good condition considering I still play hockey myself.  I understand hockey backwards and forwards and have been playing for around 23 years so I can explain everything about the game or just the questions you might have.  I am also in the age range at 32 years old.

I am being completely honest with you about everything.  As for the reason why you should take me take a look at the picture I am attaching.  You will see from the picture on my upper right arm I have a tattoo of the team logo, so I am a fan hands down.  What better reason should anyone need? LOL

Now the only problem is you said nothing about you in your ad.  No Age, No description, No anything…What about you??? And why should I go with you to the game aside from the fact that you have the tickets LOL.

Maybe I will hear from you…

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wana fuck u without taking you to the hockey

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You should take me.  Here’s why:

I have a reliable car.  A muscle car it is not, but it will get us there.   You won’t even have to moive my stuff out of the way to get in the passenger seat.

I understand the game of hockey.  Don’t know a whole lot about the current team roster, but i do know the game.  I played from kindergarten through college.

I’m fun, even for a 38 year old.

I don’t have much to do toinght.

I’m a great dad to one little girl, but she’s with her mom tonight.

I have beer money and a superfluous third arm.  You can have it, I don’t even want it back.  I might have a hard time giving up my leg.

I attached my pic.  Please send one back if you are interested.

If by some miracle, you do reply to me, don’t be alarmed if I don’t respond in 2 seconds.  Today is leaf raking day.