Falling short

To: TODP
From: brian
Subject: re: your post pic upon reply

I am 33 have a great sense of humor, which you must have to even try
meeting people online lol. I am 5′8 average build, short brown(ok salt
and pepper) hair, hazel eyes. I love to laugh and am just as comfortable
with a night in as a night out. I love Dave and Busters, going to the
Casino, long walks, and long talks. I would love to find someone for
dating and possibly a LTR that is honest, dependable, and is preferably
sane lol. The only thing I don’t do is change my own oil sorry. lol Talk
to you soon I hope.

To: brian
From: TODP
Subject: re: your post pic upon reply

Well, I guess that’s why someone invented Jiffy Lube!

As you might have gathered from my ad, I’m a ripe old 34. I think I might have you beat on the height by half an inch too. I have two kids, so I don’t know about being sane! I do have some mad skills, like making art out of toilet paper rolls and getting gum out of hair.

Do you have children? Have you been married? ARE you married? (Hey, it’s [a personals site], gotta ask!) What do you do for a paycheck?

Maddie

To: TODP
From: brian
Subject: re: your post pic upon reply

I do have kids. One is 3 and the other in 2 so I guess I may be asking you about the gum tips one day lol. I was married until July of this year. Just once . Both kids are from the marriage. I am a pimp. Kidding. I work at [a bank] and a lender/loan closer/jack of all trades. You?

To: brian
From: TODP
Subject: re: your post pic upon reply

My daughter is 6 and my son is coming up on 1. I thought I had it rough… you must be potty training two at the same time???

Jack of all trades, master of none. That’s me at my job: I work at [a local publishing company]. I do a lot of everything.

I so much want to ask about the marriage stuff, but I’ll let you tell me what you want… that is so sad for such young kids. I hope it was amicable.

He’s younger than me, shorter than me… all signs say no. But hey, maybe he will reveal himself to be Tom Cruise! Then I’ll have something to tell my friends.

Ding ding ding!

To: TODP
From: Mike
Subject: Re: hi

25 years old no kids acutally a virgin i am pc programer

This round is O-V-E-R.

My first form letter?

To: TODP
From: al
Subject: Pizza! Beer! – 34

I am interested in your add and I think there is something in common,I have tried this thing for a while but I haven’t found any serious or satisfying responses,.A Little something about me ,Am 30 years old single never married no kids DD free,am a professional graduate ,but not working in the same field,am honest not very fun guy I like out doors and intimate home times,I like movies ,cooking ,and travel.
If you are interested we can start with sharing pic and see what happen
Hope Ill hear from you soon
email xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com

If this is a form letter, poor “al” hasn’t taken the time to perfect it. Not very fun guy? Not only has he not realized spellcheck is free, but he has made no effort to personalize it. In no way did he mention that we have a damn thing in common.

When I first read this letter… in college I was involved a lot with the foreign students. In fact, I married a Middle Eastern guy while I was still studying (I say all of that loosely) and that’s how I became so intimate with the community. This letter reminded me of those times, and how close-knit that group was. And how closed. They sucked me in and spit me out.

Needless to say, this response is going in the trash.

If this is his idea of talking…

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yea i would say we really need to talk

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

LOL, and where would you like to start?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

lol – geeeesh that was quick

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

You caught me at a rare quiet moment!

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

well now is not the time to be quiet. please take this time to step out.

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

wow, have i rendered you speechless?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

It was a rare quiet MOMENT. It ended quickly. One kid down and another to go. Do you have kids… Bill, is it?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

it is bill and yes i have kids – twins to be exact – age 12. what about you?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

Twins!! Boys? Girls? Identical?

My daughter is 6, my son is almost 1. They’re great kids… I’m very proud of them. So far.

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yea same here – fraternal boys. hmmmmmm, are you married? lol

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

No, I’m not, and I realize you have to ask. It IS [a personals site]! Um, are you?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

nope not at all – so where from?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

I’m in [my little town]. I grew up in [a nearby area] but moved to Florida right after graduating college. I’ve been back two years. You? And how long have you been… not married? Or were you ever?

We bantered like that a bit today, but my last email to him was delayed. So maybe tomorrow. I’m not a fan of this kind of email banter. It’s more suitable for IM, but I didn’t have time to sit and babysit an IM. No one is floating my boat on Day One.

Nothing more to say

To: TODP
From: greg
Subject: hello there

dam woman that sounds like me in a nut shell,lol
34/m. 5′10 200 brown hair and eyes,moustcahe
and goatee have pic if u do. i am married but
married and looking so not sure if ur into
that or up for it but message me anyway and let me
know and maybe we can talk greg

To: greg
From: TODP
Subject: Re: hello there

Thanks for responding, Greg, but I like my men unattached. I’m selfish that way.

Picky

Did a little light emailing from work today…

To: Marc
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Cute post

Hi Marc…

My sister used to be an EMS in [Xxxxxxxxx]. It’s been a while though, so I don’t know how effectively I could check up on you that way.

Hope you are having a good day! It’s damn cold out there!

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Marc
Subject: Re: Cute post

No that won’t work! I don’t really know anyone from there anyway. I actually called off work this evening. I’m involved in church and we have a class that meets Tuesday nights that I’m helping with. I couldn’t find anyone who would switch shifts with me today so I had to call off.

I’ve been cleaning my house, not that anyone would think it is very dirty but I get the kids tomorrow and Thursday and l like it to be nice for them. And I find that if I stay on top of it it makes for a quick cleaning.

I only went out to shake out my duster and thought it was pretty cold too. The wind blew over my garbage can.

So what kind of work do you do?

To: Marc
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Cute post

I work at [a local printing company]. I like the work, though the state of the industry has me a little worried these days.

We are a little hectic today with the election going on.

What kind of schedule do you have with your kids? Does the oldest still live at home?

The more I thought about this… the more I thought… DAMN, his oldest kid is 21 years old. And the church thing? Not to mention he types old style… double spacing after periods. It’s not so much a nitpicky thing as red flags are going up. The father of my son is 53 years old, and I know from that experience and several others that older guys are just that… older guys. The sex is great at first because they thing so highly of themselves snagging a young chick, but then quickly realize that… OMG, she has a mind too… and she’s using it… can’t… control…….