Age is a number

Right? After a seemingly wonderful email conversation, it is finally revealed. At first I sat at my computer and laughed my ass off when read it. But then I thought about why it scared the socks off me — I’ve leaned toward older men who tend to not “get me” — and realized I have to stop projecting.

To: TODP
From: Josh
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

Hi..
My name is Josh..your posting made me chuckle a little bit so I thought I’d email you. The getting hurt ‘bad’ got my attention..
yeah..that’s pretty much what happened..but as they say..’life goes on’.. I have been single now for almost four years..and I’m contemplating getting back out there into the dating scene..haven’t actually made a move except respond to a handful of ads..but nothing has panned out yet..its rather strange after 10 years of marriage and four years of self imposed exile from the world…but I do stay busy. I spend most of my free time between my two young sons, renovating a big old house, recording my new CD, and of course working each day.. I’m not going to get into allot of detail yet about myself but would be happy to if you express an interest in learning about me. I do have a website up to promote my music which would at least give you a little background ..a few staged pictures etc. . got to www.josh[xxxxxxx].com

If you would like to communicate further let me know..would love to talk sometime..have a nice night;)

Josh

To: Josh
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

Hi Josh,

The website is very cool. And WOW are you handsome. Um, I mean… ah… you’re not bad. LOL

How old are your boys? Do you share custody? I have a daughter who is 6 and a son, who is going on 1. You could say I have my hands full, but I have been trying to get out more and have some fun. Not that yard work isn’t rewarding.

How tall are you? Kind of an odd question to start out with, but I’m a little on the tall side…

Is music your full-time job?

And where is [Xxxxxxxx]? I was raised in [Xxxxxxxxxx] but I’ve spent much of my adult life in Florida. I moved back two years ago. Oh, I’m 34… you?

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Josh
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

Hi Maddie,

Happy to come home tonight and get your message..Thanks for the compliment..it’s been a while since I’ve been called handsome…gee!…but I guess I do look pretty good for my age..(I’ll leave you hanging on that one for a while…..my.. you have so many questions:) I will tell you that I bet I’m taller than you.. and quite certain that I’m older than you. Btw..I just love the name Maddie..always have… my youngest, he’s 10 and my oldest is 14..oh how I love my boys!! But I don’t want to get off on that tangent right now..I will attempt to streamline my responses a bit..into more bite size pieces and be more to the point,..which, by the way, your very good at…I feel myself hungering for more..lol

I don’t want you to think that I’m just some lonely guy whose whole world revolves around his kids and his work..ahemmmm.

On with the questions and answers..

Yes, I have shared custody, but only get them on Mon and Tues nights and all day on Saturdays during the school year but for a week on week off during the summers..we’ve taken some great vacations over the past few summers. But, I too, spend my fair share of doing yard work during the summer.. this year I planted 16 shrubs and 5 fir trees, plus a berry garden..(which was a terrible failure) ..I spend tons of money on berries…raspberries are up to 5.00 a quart..oops there I go again!

[Xxxxxxx] is just north of the city,..10 minutes from downtown. I bought a very old, and somewhat large home in 2000 and finally last November I finished a six year long remodel-rehab-restore.. and it looks so beautiful! I think it was rather like therapy for me during the demise and eventual destruction of my marriage,.. working on the house like that, obsessing over every detail and………. (might you get the impression that I am just bursting at the seams to communicate with someone a bit older than a 10 and 14 year old….?)

sorry..

Lastly..and sadly..music is not my full time job..I was a therapist for about 12 years but right around the time I bought this house I had decided to change careers..I now have an insurance brokerage business. I like it allot. Of course it would be nice to play music full time but I am a responsible adult after all…but it doesn’t mean I still can’t go out and act like a teenager once in a while. I play 1-2 times a month.. usually private and corporate parties..a one man band of sorts.

Wow..Florida eh?..that always sounds so appealing when it gets to be this time of the year. I go down there time to time, my brother lives in Orlando. He’s the one, by the way, that told me I should join an online dating service. He says he met a few nice girls online …..I just cant seem to muster up the motivation yet to write some flattering profile about myself.. explaining why I would be such a great catch to a woman who is looking for a good man etc..I mean all that is true!don’ get me wrong!..but how would I do it in such a way where someone could understand without thinking that I’m being overly….oh Maddie..I apologize! there I go rambling again,…

Well it’s past my bedtime and I have early morning sales appointments..(I’m kickin butt this week!) So its been lovely chatting with you..I would love to hear more about your kids..your past, your present, what you might be looking for at this time in your life,.. and all those other things, I hope, sometime in the near future..I’m only an email away..goodnight..

Josh

maybe you could send me a picture of the family…….

To: Josh
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

Hi Josh….

Hmmmm…. you have me wondering about the age thing now, LOL. Are your website photos 10 years old??

I’m attaching a couple of photos of me and the kids. (Holding my breath, LOL.)

I know exactly what you mean about bursting at the seams to communicate with adults. I went back to work in March after three months off, and even though I really really didn’t want to, every morning I walked into the office and sat down at my desk and just felt so relieved to be among adults.

That’s interesting that you were a therapist. You didn’t enjoy it? Did you have a specialty? Like maybe, crazy people? LOL. Geez, maybe I shouldn’t have just told you that I was relieved to get away from my kids!!

I work at [xxxxxxxxxxxx]. I really love the work, but it seems it’s becoming more and more irrelevant these days. I have some ideas about what I’d like to do next, but I’m just not ready to make that leap right now.

I just bought this house recently, so I’ve been busy tailoring it, so to speak. It actually was flipped right before I bought it… the hardwood floors were refinished, new bathrooms and kitchen… I spent a good year looking for a house and this one is perfect for us at this time. I would love to do a veggie garden next year; this year I managed to get most of the flower beds planted. My yard backs up against the woods and there is a ton of debris in the back… mostly wood and trimmings and stuff like that. I’ve spent that past two month’s worth of weekends just trying to burn all that stuff. OK, damn, I’m going on and on.

Your brother sounds like a great guy. It’s hard using personals, I’ve discovered. There’s a lot of fruity people out there. I don’t plan on expanding into professional dating… I’m not desperate for a relationship, I am just in a good place in my life, very happy, and I thought it might be time to give it a shot.

You sound like a busy guy… and yes, I’d like to learn more about you… like maybe your age, for cryin’ out loud.

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Josh
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

well Hello Maddie..

Nice to hear from you ..and thank you for the pictures…what a beautiful bunch you guys are!! your kids are so cute…. and you, are so very pretty…your daughter is quite the ham it would seem and the baby reminds me of my youngest when he was a baby..you are so blessed!

OK..about this age thing..first let me point out that your ad didn’t state your age, and I might add that I never asked you your age when I responded to it…it’s not a big deal to me..

(btw..did you see the guy who posted in reference to your ad.. here is the copy
..Re: Read the fine print ‘DO you have an age? You could be 25 or 70 from your description. I’m 35 and interested in chatting with you:)

so Maddie..apparently I’m not the only one causing burning a curiosity about ones age..lol…is it just me or does that guy seem a bit obnoxious and a bit light in the tact department?..

Anyway, I just celebrated my 53rd birthday..and no those pictures on the website aren’t 10 years old..they were taken in September of this year..

And yes I know I look allot younger than my age..people always tell me that anyway. I definitely don’t feel 53 whatever that might mean..I come from a good gene pool I guess..my grandparents lived into their mid 90s and my mom is absolutely gorgeous for her age. I’m in good health, although I could stand to lose 10-15 pounds…I’m 6′ 1″ and a bit over 200 lbs..there..another question answered..making progress here eh?..

I was an occupational therapist, graduated in 1980. I really loved working with people but couldn’t take the paperwork anymore..I decided to get into sales in 2000 and have never regretted it. I’ve been awarded ‘Agent of the year’ for the past four years.which basically means I got these cool glass award trophy things and nice week long all expense paid vacation every May..I took my mom and dad and the boys on trips last year..it was a blast!

Your house sounds really nice..I was just out that way today in fact…(no..I am not a stalker).. I drove to the Township Offices..I wrote up policies on two policemen…small world eh? My grandparents lived their last years not far from there.. I visited them every Sunday for nine years there. I really miss them.

Well..I hope to hear back from you..it seems that age is an important criteria for you..I mean you must have asked me 4-5 times directly or indirectly how old I am..yeah.. I’m an older guy..but hey.. I prefer to look at it as a positive thing..I believe there is a reason allot of women prefer older men..I mean you’ve dated guys your own age..you tell me.lol..I remember the way I was in my mid 30s and I wouldn’t want to have dated me….wow..did that sound weird!! anyway, no pressure or expectations here..it would even be nice just to have someone to talk to..but I confess..I think that you sound really nice.. and your a very pretty women..I think we should consider going out for dinner sometime. I would promise not to keep you out late and I would be a perfect gentleman..think about it..OK?

Goodnight
Josh

To: Josh
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Read the fine print

Hi Josh…

I have to admit, I was trying to add up the numbers and guessed you were in your 40s. Which doesn’t at all bother me. And at the risk of making it seem like age is an issue… I have dated older men, and I was kind of trying to avoid another fiasco like that. But I realize that it’s not about the age.

But I hope you understand I am open-minded about it. Or at least I have been in the past and should make a great effort to stay that way!

I look a lot younger than I am also… always have… it’s a family thing. Once when I was 17 visiting Orlando with my dad someone referred to him as my boyfriend. UGH! So I know where you are coming from… I get carded on the few times out of the year I get out to a bar, and I’d probably get pissed if that stopped.

I quickly realized that posting a personals ad was an invitation for the weird. I should have put my age in the ad, but, well… would you have responded if I did? I didn’t make a conscious effort to exclude it, and I’ve gotten a lot of weird shit in response. And I probably wouldn’t want to have dated you in your 30s as much as I spared you from my 20s.

OK, now we can stop talking about age and personal ads. LOL

Dinner would be nice, and if after all my rambling about stuff that’s not so important hasn’t backfired on me, I’d like to hear that maybe you are available soon before some 20-something chick gets in my way!

Maddie

And I’m supposed to have no respect for myself?

Some responses are just, well…. he could have beat around the bush a little. So to speak.

I saw your ad and thought I’d send you a message. I am 25, 6′1″, 225 (average build), brown hair, blue/green eyes.

To be right up front, I am married. I’ve been married for 7 years and have been very patient, but I’m not getting any sexual fulfillment out of my virtually sexless marriage whatsoever. I’m looking for a woman who wants to meet my sexual needs and I’d like to do the same. I’m not looking for any form of commitment, just some discreet nsa sex with a woman who appreciates making her partner happy. I’m very open in the bedroom, and hopefully we can start talking and get together!

-Mitch

P.S. – I do have pictures to share, but I want to make sure that this isn’t some dating service scam before I send them.

…And then it went downhill

To: TODP
From: Rich
Subject: Hey

Hello,
Hope your still interested

Rich

To: Rich
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Hey

Hi Rich…

What a day I had at work, LOL. Hope your day was better than mine, better than your day yesterday, too.

We have a lot of holiday stuff going on. There are some days when I don’t have a damn thing to do, and some days I think I could work 20 hours and still not get it all done.

Anyway… done venting.

Sorry your project went awry yesterday… I can certainly relate. You know what I hate most about my job? When some famous person has to up and die when we’re on deadline, LOL. I know that’s horrible….

I’m going to attach a photo of me and the kids. I think it was taken at the beginning of summer. Now we’ll see if YOU are still interested!

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Rich
Subject: Hi

Hello,
You have a beautiful family and I think you’re very cute also.Here
are a few pictures of us.The first picture was me at an amusement park in July. I always have a positive attitude that tomorrow will be better. I am still
interested and want to know more.
nice picture

To: Rich
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Hi

How sweet! Oh, and your son is cute too, LOL. He is named after you?

Positive attitude = good!!!!

What grade is your son in? What do you guys like to do for fun? What do YOU do for fun?

To: TODP
From: Rich
Subject: Hi

Great questions, He is in first grade, He is into video games, I drag him out to the job sites a lot but he enjoys hanging out with the guys. We eat out a lot he is a good eater he likes salmon and salad. I myself am starting to learn what I like.I don’t drink or smoke so I really do not like the bar scene. I enjoy movies and shopping believe it or not.

Rich

To: Rich
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Hi

Oh NO! I guess I have to tell you that I drink and smoke… geez, that makes me sound so rough. I don’t do the “bar scene,” but I do love to get out with my friends once in a while and shoot darts and pool.

I like to do a lot of things…. but it just so happens I am not a fan of shopping and I’m not big on movies either.

Sigh. Maybe this wasn’t a match made in heaven.