What willpower??

I let Marc come over again last night and fuck me. It was … it was some of the best sex I’ve had in a long time.

I’m not emotionally attached to him at all. He’s good to talk to, and we spend a good deal of time with our clothes on too. I do like him. I do know I would never get seriously involved with him. So my thought process is all over the road here.

I’ve always been the kind of person who has to be madly in love to really get the most out of sex, but now that I’m entering my prime sexual years, it seems like I can’t get enough, and I’m experiencing things on a different level. Things I didn’t enjoy before feel great now, and it feels at times like I’ve all of a sudden been placed in this new body and I’m learning about it for the first time. I sat at work today thinking about last night and I am just amazed at this rush of lust I’ve been feeling, as misdirected as it may be.

I remember the first time I heard the expression “fuck friend.” I was aghast. Do people actually DO that? And now, well, I guess that is what I’m doing.

Is it so wrong? I’m struggling with that. It would probably help if Marc didn’t have a girlfriend he hardly sees, but not because of any jealousy on my part. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt because of some stupid primal urge I have, one that I’ve made little effort to control. One that Marc has apparently controlled very little over the course of his lifetime.

If it wasn’t me, he’d probably be fucking someone else. And I don’t know why I’m OK with that.