Thanks, but no thanks

After the dinner I had with Josh the other night, I thought things were going pretty good. Then late yesterday, I get this jumbled mess of thoughts from him:

To: TODP
From: Josh
Subject: Hi..

Thanks for having me over last night.. Your kids are precious.. It reminded me of what it was like when my kids were small,..not that long ago.  I found myself wondering, as I was driving to my appointment after leaving your house what a huge responsibility it is having kids.

I think we need to communicate about what we’re looking for in a relationship at this time.  I know as I continue to see you and the kids that I will grow attached….and I admit to having some some reservations about doing that..

This is my first exploration into a relationship after four years of basically being alone except,of course, when spending time with my own kids. Prior to that there was a 10 year period of marriage, one that ended very badly..I still think that I am a bit damaged as a result of what happened. Consequently I am feeling somewhat fearful about developing attachments right now in my life.  And I know that being with you means developing an attachment not only for another person but for three people..I’m already feeling attached to your daughter..she is the sweetest little girl..and quite frankly I don’t know if I can handle all that right now.

And of course I enjoy hanging out and talking with you..and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t have strong sexual and ‘romantic’ impulses going through my mind when I think about you or when I’m with you.  There are time when I wish I could find a women who was what they call on the internet dating sites ‘a friend with benefits’..and not a potentially heavy committed relationship.. That might be all I can take on right now..I’m not sure..

But on the other hand, I don’t want to cheapen or shortchange any possibilities for having a serious committed love relationship in my life again..and I know that one thing usually leads to another..I know I sound confused because I’m starting to feel that way.

Is it ever possible in male female dating relationship to just to be open-minded, friendly, non-judgmental, non-possessive, non pressuring, unpresumptuous…every relationship I’ve ever had seemed to be exactly those things..Now I’m not saying that we are..I’m not even sure where this is going.. but I think it would be a good idea early on to define what were both looking for.. whats ironic about me saying this is that I’m afraid I might hurt your feelings or upset you if I come right out and say what I’m looking for..is that strange or what?..I’m just not sure after seeing whats involved in you life and where you are in life right now if I can give you what you need..of course, I’m being presumptuous by saying that..so that’s why I think we need to define these things before continuing on so we know what to expect or what not to expect…Oh God..I don’t know if this is making
any sense at all so I’m just going to send it off to you and hope that you can try to understand…

I am very much out of ‘practice’ in my adult interpersonal interaction skills or dating skills..whatever you might call it..and I’m just trying to get my feet underneath me again.  I do know this Maddie.. I really like you..I like communicating with you, I think your really pretty, I fantasize about you,,(not in a stalker way so relax ok:) and I have a nice time when I’m with you.. I just want to be honest with you..so even though I might not have done a good job articulating my thought I am going to hit send before I have second thought about trying to edit myself..email me back ok?..

Josh

OK, we’ve seen each other exactly twice. I really don’t know where this is coming from. But my guess is that he wants to see me very casually, have sex, and well, whatever else. Which would have been fine if that is what he did without presenting it verbally as if it pained him terribly to actually DATE someone. But in all honesty, I have fuck friends. I’m not interested in another one. And I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard this in the past few months: “I really like you but I’m not ready for a relationship.” At least Josh was kind enough to stay out of my pants before saying it.

To: Josh
From: TODP
Subject: You’re off the hook, LOL

Josh,

After giving this a little more thought…

I think I kind of get what you’re saying — “I can’t deal with someone else’s kids right now but I’ll fuck you if you want” — and I think maybe we are looking to get different things out of this. I really hadn’t given it much thought until now, but it seems likely that we’d be inviting broken hearts if we continued with this.

I think you are a great person and fun to talk to, but it doesn’t sound like you are open to the possibilities. I appreciate that you don’t want to take advantage of me or introduce more chaos to my life. I have a lot to offer and I would really like to eventually find someone who fully appreciates the package deal. Preferably someone without stalking tendencies, LOL.

I wish the best for you.

Secretly, I hope he emails me back and says I misunderstood and that he really wants to give it a go, but I am relatively certain that won’t happen. Besides, it would do nothing but boost my ego. I had enough reservations about this guy anyway, and this email of his really took it over my limit.