I want out. And in.

Well….

I’ve been messing around with some of my online dating subscriptions, but I decided finally today to cancel them.

My heart just isn’t in it anymore, even for the laughs.

I think I’ve really fallen for Lucas over the past few months.

As much fun as it was flirting online with strangers, I met only a handful of men in person, and there was just no connection. I think I hung on to my online persona as long as I did so I could give myself options… I was very unsure of Lucas at first. He seemed… way too nice, too eager to please.

But we’re kind of mixing up our lives here now, and involving children, (and our kids get along famously!), and talking about serious issues instead of what brand of condoms we prefer. As If That Mattered. Wow, he is awesome in bed. You’d never think it if you knew him… he’s just so damn sweet.

I don’t know if this is the guy for me. If he isn’t, I’ll be back in business here on my blog in no time. But in the meantime, I’m going to explore the possibilities and give the online dating world a chance to turn over in case I’m back.

But I’ve reached the point where I can’t in good faith feel out other men… I think… yes… that I’m well on my way to being in love!

He is so wonderful with my kids, and I love his girls. That is something that has been a major issue in my past relationships… there was never a breakthrough, never complete acceptance of a boyfriend or a girlfriend coming on board. But with Lucas, I can see the possibility — POSSIBILITY — of someday waking up on a Saturday morning with four kids at the foot of our bed watching cartoons and giggling about nothing.

I’ll try to update from time to time, success or no success. We’ve reached our first major milestone though: I gave him a key to my house.

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