Blast from the past

Every once in a while, Bill IMs me. But it’s not a good IM. It’s like…. he’s ready to go, and had a bad night with the ladies, and resorted to online antics hoping to get lucky. I have a litte experience with this now, so I can see it for what it is.

bill: who is this?
bill: hmmmm

He’s sent me similar IMs in the recent past. And in the recent past, I’ve explained to him who I was. We had lunch?? You couldn’t get away from the bar?? Could you please remove me from your buddy list?

This is exactly like drunk-dialing.

I sat on his IM with no intention of answering it, but an idea popped into my head, and I do NOT mean to offend anyone, but I thought I’d fuck with him:

todp: this is the lord. you must build an ark. and get two of every animal on board.

No response from Bill.

You have the wrong IM, please hang up and try again

Remember Bill? The guy who spent a week in fast-forward, sending three or four emails to my one? “Should we talk? Should we chat? Huh? Should we? Should we?”

I thought he had ADD or worse… was on speed. We had gone to lunch about three weeks ago and he seemed nervous, but not nervous in a shifty way, just nervous like he was on a first date. And he kissed me outside the restaurant, a little sheepishly, and then texted me all afternoon. Then everything went dead. A week later, I emailed him, asking if I was supposed to be the one to email first. If I was here it is. Still nothing.

Today I logged on to my Yahoo IM, which I don’t normally use but I go on from time to time to see if anyone has left me a message, and he sent me a message shortly after.

Bill: Hi!!!!
TODP: Hey how are you?
Bill: I’ve been good. You?
TODP: Things are good here.

I thought this was just a friendly hello, but after a few more rounds of small talk:

Bill: So, where do I know you from? Refresh my memory.

Hmmm. I don’t remember ever firing up my buddy list and talking randomly to people whose screen names I’ve forgotten. FROM THREE WEEKS AGO.

Second thoughts?

After my date with Bill the other day, we texted throughout the afternoon musing about the date. After that, all went quiet on the Bill front.

I think he has tried to call a few times… a strange number pops up on my phone about once a day. But when I text back asking if it was him, I get no response. I tossed him an IM one day, nothing.

I’m not heart-broken. He wasn’t perfect for me, most likely. But I do wonder what he is thinking. I can only guess.

I had a date today!

I have been very much in contact with Bill — email, texting, phone calls. He “pings” me several times at day, at least. So, we agreed to meet for lunch.
The picture I got from Bill via email was very dark and grainy, but I am not so much a vain person when it comes to looks. I, myself, am rather plain, very average, very… me.

I walked into the restaurant and the first thing I realized is that… Bill is shorter than me. By probably an inch. But an inch goes a long way. I was immediately all vain, like I wanted to turn around and walk out.

But we sat down, had lunch, and man, was he handsome. He’s got sort of an ADD thing going on, or maybe he was just nervous. He kept asking me some of the same things over and over, and kept pointing out that he never did anything like this before.

And he was loud.

But we laughed and laughed, gave each other shit and had a great time. I think. Toward the end he started asking about my schedule, when we could meet again. Good sign. I’m not sure at all about him, but now that the initial awkward meeting is over, I look forward to giving him another round.

Outside the restaurant, he gave me a quick peck, and I was only half-expecting it, and because we were on my territory, I was rather self-conscious about it.

But he’s a really funny guy, very forward, very good-looking. Very worth a second look.

Awwww, heck

THURSDAY:

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

hey maddie, how the heck are you? i work in retail management so no i don’t work every afternoon – just two per week, we all take turns closing the building. yes the wonderful world of retail lol. by the way, your pic looks great and no matter how large i made it, i couldn’t find one smidge of throw up lol. but really, you look great and your children look very happy. that’s a really cool pic. as far as my children and my 50/50 thing – i wouldn’t have had it any other way. i actually would prefer full custody, but that could never happen. my boys are very important to me – i couldn’t imagine not seeing them every week. it gets very quiet around here when they go back to their mothers. so tell me more about you – do you enjoy golf? yes golf? tell me you do lol. looks lilke perhaps you may have to start getting into college football lol.

I might have to start getting into college football? Because he responded to my ad?? HUH?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

I imagine it IS pretty quiet when TWIN 12-year-old BOYS aren’t around, LOL.

As far as golf… only in the past couple of years have I been introduced to the driving range. I’m not much good but I really do enjoy getting out there, getting over people watching me miss the ball, then smacking the hell out of the thing.

Isn’t golf a guy thing anyway? An excuse to get away from the missus?

Retail, huh… how did you get into that? You must enjoy it… I am all socially backward so I don’t know that I’d be able to do something like that. What do you sell?

Do you have a pic? I feel like I put myself out there.. I’m not vain or anything… LOL.

Maddie

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yea i am not shallow at all as well lol. and what the heck are you still doing up? if i would have thought you were still awake i would have waited for your response. i just woke up from the chair. i was watching conan obrian – he is the greatest. what do you mean by socially what ever it is you said lol? you know i don’t have a pic but i do have a cam – i will show you me the next time we talk. are you still awake? i am sure you aren’t.

FRIDAY:

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

hey how are you this morning? obviously you don’t check emails early in the morning lol. if i had known you were up last night i would have stayed at the comp after i sent you the first email. i went downstairs, grabbed a beer and something to munch on and then yes, passed out – as always lol. when i woke, i saw that you had replied. any ways, your conversation has been great and it would be nice to talk more. will you be up at like midnight tonight? lol. yea that’s not late lol. well write back while i am at work and let me know – if you will be, perhaps i could show you what i look like – you know since you aren’t shallow or anything, and perhaps we could talk. well heck, just write back and tell me anything lol.
see ya

Emails are always tough to interpret, but I’m starting to think this guy has ADD. I get two emails from him for one of mine.

Suspicious that he doesn’t have a pic of himself, but he has a CAM. Well, you can take a screenshot, bill.

The retail thing bugs me… he completely avoided my question, as if I’m going to show up at Foot Locker and find him sizing up bunions. AND CONAN???

But… open mind… I threw him a line. I have nothing to lose. *YAWN*

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

Hi Bill, how are you?

I’m so glad it’s Friday. I plan on having a very quiet weekend. I need more of those. Are you finding any trouble to get into this weekend?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yes very glad it’s friday as well, although i just got home from work. yes i have plans with my kids to visit my parents. also, going to just do what ever. i am off this entire weekend so who knows. by the way, how have you been?

SATURDAY:

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

hey, how are you today – are you around?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

Yeah, I’m outside getting yard work done. Not much time left for that! How are you?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

just got home from visiting my parents. hmmm yard work huh – you do that? impressive. i might have some over here that could keep you busy for a while. are you home tonight – what are you doing. we should chat. well, maybe we should chat lol. you tell me if we should chat.

Should we chat? It seems like it might be… a little… one-sided?

Oh, what the heck. But only if we use IM. I think talking to him would make me dizzy. I’ll throw it out there and see what he says.

Will you (blank) me, Bill?

I got to work much later than normal today after dealing with sick-kid issues, and I had three emails waiting for me from Bill:

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

it seems i sort of feel to sleep last night – and obviously i am not married and haven’t been for about 2.5yrs. i share 50/50 custody with the boys mother so they are with me half of every week. yes it’s sort of crazy but i wouldn’t have it any other way and they seem happy. we don’t live that far from one another – about ten minutes at most. i live on the outskirts of [xxxxxxxxx]. i move to [xxxxxxxx] after college and was there for about 15yrs and moved back to this area about eight yrs ago. not sure if i told you but i grew up in wva.
ok – you tell me more lol

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

and hmmmm, why aren’t you up already – you have kids correct lol. you said college – which one – do you work, i know you have kids – hmmmmm do you golf – i love golf – do you watch wvu football – i graduated from there – do you enjoy nfl – do you enjoy cooking – i love to cook – and what do you look like – just a brief description will do. i am sure i have left out many questions – but what would you like to know?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

your conversation yesterday was pretty nice – it would be nice to continue, some how. if you like, please write back. i do have to work today at 1, perhaps that is where you are now. or, perhaps you are neck deep in children lol. regardless, keep in touch would you – you actually seem pretty normal – which is a good thing. lol

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

Hi Bill… I wish I had gotten to bed earlier last night because I ended up getting up at 3 with a sick kid. Went to work late… Things are fine though!

I went to [XXX], got a degree in [xxxxxxxxxx] and have been working in [xxxxxxxxxx]. A very fragile field these days. I’m sorry about the WVA part of your life, LOL. I was actually born in [Xxxxxxxxxx]; my parents lived in [Xxxxxxxxxx] for a couple years. I don’t get into WVA football, or any college football for that matter. But I do enjoy NFL and other sports.

I like cooking very much. Now that it’s cold out I’ve been doing more of it.

So what do you do for a living? Do you always start in the afternoon? I’m impressed that you do 50-50 with your kids. So many dads are happy to just kick around with the rugrats a couple times a month, if that. I am kind of hoping to find someone who is a little more vested and in tune with kids.

What do I look like… hmmmm… when I’m not covered in throw-up? I’m 5′8ish, average everything. Well, almost everything. I’ll attach a pic so we can get that over and done with. It was taken a few months ago.

He must be working… or neck deep in kids… or uninterested… I haven’t gotten a response.

If this is his idea of talking…

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yea i would say we really need to talk

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

LOL, and where would you like to start?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

lol – geeeesh that was quick

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

You caught me at a rare quiet moment!

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

well now is not the time to be quiet. please take this time to step out.

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

wow, have i rendered you speechless?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

It was a rare quiet MOMENT. It ended quickly. One kid down and another to go. Do you have kids… Bill, is it?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

it is bill and yes i have kids – twins to be exact – age 12. what about you?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

Twins!! Boys? Girls? Identical?

My daughter is 6, my son is almost 1. They’re great kids… I’m very proud of them. So far.

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

yea same here – fraternal boys. hmmmmmm, are you married? lol

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

No, I’m not, and I realize you have to ask. It IS [a personals site]! Um, are you?

To: TODP
From: bill
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

nope not at all – so where from?

To: bill
From: TODP
Subject: Re: Pizza! Beer! – 34

I’m in [my little town]. I grew up in [a nearby area] but moved to Florida right after graduating college. I’ve been back two years. You? And how long have you been… not married? Or were you ever?

We bantered like that a bit today, but my last email to him was delayed. So maybe tomorrow. I’m not a fan of this kind of email banter. It’s more suitable for IM, but I didn’t have time to sit and babysit an IM. No one is floating my boat on Day One.