Work! Sucks!!!!!

I have been so busy with work that I haven’t had much time to attend to my dating life. I took a half hour the other day to just email my potential responses and tell them that I would potentially be responding to them. I did email my Kris, the CEO/prof guy, and I emailed a guy named Keith, who responded eagerly with an email littered with the dreaded exclamation point and iffy space bar:

To: TODP
From: Keith
Subject: Re: Hi there!

Good Morning!!

I understand busy!! You don’t have to write your’ life story…lol I like to tent camp from time to time! Usually when we take the boat to the lake.I like the camp grounds there but,still a pain setting all that up!

I left home when I was 18 an went into the Navy! I moved around quite a bit.. As mucg as I disliked it then,I look back on it and think it wasn’t such a bad move! Went to alot of places I may have never seen?? Spend most of my time in the Carribbean! We did do a Med. cruise and then I got out so I was glad to have done that!!!

I am originally from here and actually live in the house I grew up in!! My parents vacated to Arizona..It’s been nice being back I always enjoyed this state and the people here are much more at face value!!! Plus, it’s alot cooler and I always missed the season s changing down there!! Didn’t care too much for the southern part of Florida. Would prefer the pan handle or Sarasota, even Tampa’s not too bad!! The whole state seems to a huge rat race from when I lived there!!!

Well,I should get off of here and get ready for my inspector!! It’s almost time!!

Take Care,
Keith

Holy! Crap! Wasn’t that! Intense!

Understanding

Well…..

I emailed Kris back and told him I’d be up for getting together, let me know what he had in mind. Then a week of checking my email every few hours, and nothing from him. I’m not surprised, just disappointed. I guess if anything, I hope he’s found someone else and is happy, because he seemed like a pretty neat guy.

Lucas and I spent a lot of time together this week. I am sure he considers me his girlfriend. For Valentine’s Day, he gave me a gift certificate to a spa, which was pretty nice. He pays for most of our outings, even though I offer and manage to intercept a check once in a while. I guess what bugs me the most is that when we break up, he’ll think all that money spent wasn’t worth it!

I just can’t help the lack of feelings I have for him. I’ve tried to convince myself that a really nice guy is exactly what I deserve… but there’s something that’s just not there, even though the sex is fantastic. I find myself picking the side of the table at restaurants so I have a good view of the crowd and while he is rambling away, I am checking out the room.

When my last boyfriend dumped me and said, “I just never loved you,” I was furious. But now I understand the situation he was in.

Finally, some action

My prof/consultant/CEO interest is apparently right in my back yard. Quite possibly, literally.

To: Kris
From: TODP
Subject: Re:

I live just up the road from the post office. Do you golf? Because I get a TON of golf balls in my back yard from your neighborhood!!!

Maddie

To: TODP
From: Kris
Subject: Re: Re:

Hi Maddie,

You live like a mile or so from me!  Hopefully none of those golf balls are mine!  Would you like to chat on the phone or meet for a drink sometime?

Kris

It appears I’ve just been asked out on a date. Holy freakin’ crap. This never ceases to amaze me.

I’m gonna sleep on this.

Where have all my morals gone?

All of a sudden… I have a second, third, fourth communication in my little online dating world!!

Are these guys gearing up for Valentine’s Day, or what?

One guy seemed really interesting, lives near me… and we volleyed back and forth a bit, with me asking most of the questions, him answering, me giving my answer to my own questions and asking him more questions.

This grew really tiring.

He never gave me his name, even though I gave him mine… and seemed rather elusive in some of his responses… I gave him my email address but he continued to email me through the service. Oh, and he gave me the same old line I’ve heard dozens of times: “I’m new to this.”

Yeah.

One of the other guys who made contact was, in my opinion, way too young for me, and another is someone who must have forgotten he contacted me a month ago, when I politely declined to communicate with him then.

I did get a message or two from the guy who caught my eye the other night though. He doesn’t have a pic posted, so I don’t know what he even looks like.

I’m not necessarily looking for excitement in a relationship, though in my last post I said Lucas was boring… I know that the prospect of a budding relationship is full of great feelings… but what I’m looking for is stability, familiarity, CHEMISTRY. And I’m looking for a man who takes charge in all the right ways… the right ways for me. I want to parent my children and run my life, but I don’t want to feel superior to a man. I want someone who will step up and be rock solid, who won’t bully or patronize me.

Lucas offers some of that, but fleetingly. For the most part he is just too eager to please me, and it’s not a quality I find endearing unless it’s coming from my kids!

I think I have pretty much decided to explore. I don’t want to hurt Lucas, and I don’t want to throw away my chances with him. I just don’t know. I think if I were completely honest with him, he’d allow himself to be strung along, and I’d have even less respect for him.

I didn’t know it was possible to find a guy who was TOO sensitive and attentive. Lucas was in a horrible marriage for six-plus years, married his wife only because he knocked her up and it was the “right thing” to do; I would have thought he’d be at least a little calloused. Or cautious. Or more mature. Or SOMETHING.

He must have gotten laid a lot during his marriage though, because even when I don’t feel emotionally connected to him, he can really turn it on.

Crossroads

I haven’t written for a while because there wasn’t much to write about.

I’ve been seeing Lucas. He’s a good guy, great guy even, but I’ve been keeping at bay getting our kids together. I just… I’m just not sure about him. The sex is great, I enjoy his company, but I have some kind of hangup I can’t put into words.

I am still signed on with one of the online dating sites I joined. My online exploits have been very quiet, but the other day, I got a message from a man who turns out to live very near me and we’ve been communicating. Compared to Lucas, he’s more ambitious, more successful.

I feel some guilt… Lucas is so very into me, and I like him a lot. But after a couple months of seeing him, I just don’t see long-term prospects. I try not to be judgmental, but he seems to be well below me in the area of professional, emotional and educational advancement.

So, I’m faced with the decision of moving on or sticking it out.

I don’t know if I should do a little dating on the sly, or make a break and spare him from whatever. We haven’t really talked about the status or our relationship or agreed to be exclusive, but I get the feeling he thinks I am it for him.

I almost broke up with him recently, before the communication with the new guy, but I chickened out and have not been entirely unhappy with him. I told him some of my concerns, and it seems he is very eager to please me and made many changes. Which…. well, that is something I’m not used to. If someone were to tell me he was unhappy with XY and Z, I would tell him to take a hike.

I want to be honest. But this is only a remote possibility with this other guy. Part of me thinks, if I am thinking this way, I should probably give Lucas the truth, but at the same time, I just don’t know about him, maybe he could be a great prospect and I’m just being self-absorbed.

I think I owe it to myself to explore, lest I have regrets, but I just don’t know how to proceed. I have a nice, wonderful, boring guy on my hands, a guy who I impress by cooking a mere meatloaf, a good-hearted guy who manages a retail store, or the option to explore something a little more challenging: A CEO-consultant-professor without kids who lives in a neighborhood I could never afford to live in.

FUCK. ME.